Heimlich, a character from the
Pixar film, A Bug’s Life exclaims,
“Someday, I will be a beautiful butterfly, and then everything will be better!”
Throughout the movie, the caterpillar never loses hope of his dream becoming a
reality. I, too, knew that one day I’d sprout wings and become my own
butterfly. I did not simply believe this because of my looks, but I knew my
life would be filled with many high points. However, my immediate reality was
far less than my ideal of this beautiful creature; so, I had to dream.
I dreamed of being a successful,
independent, and happy woman who had everything I could ever dream of, and
more. I dreamed inside of my dreams, hoping that one day they would overflow
and spill into my reality. The fantasy was amazing, but it was far from the
truth. For twelve years I felt trapped in a gray, poorly lit cocoon with
nowhere to go and only one place to hide. At times, I felt as if the walls of
my life were closing in on me; and instead of the beautiful butterfly, a moth
would emerge (sad looking and feeding off things that were not my own, like joy).
Life seemed to be offering me a duller version of myself, presenting me with
things and telling me that I would never possess them. A disastrous picture was
being painted around me and that created a hunger for the life I deserved; the
one I knew I could have.
The first change that began to take
place, within my protective covering, was my mindset about school. I pushed
myself to get the best grades possible and that meant A’s and B’s. Anything
less that my goal was a disappointment and caused me to strive harder. I knew
my grades would be used as a measuring rod for my future success; the better
the grades, the better my chances of morphing into a bright and brilliantly
colored young lady. Yet, there was still something missing in my life. My heart
seemed only half full and at the time I did not know what was needed to feel
complete.
It wasn’t until I was preparing to
enter into high school that I began to get a glimpse of change. When I moved
from my father’s house and into my mother’s, the summer of my freshman year,
something amazing started to happen within my shell. I experienced the freedom
to develop into a greater version of myself and shine, even when things were
not ideal. I could dance without shame, laugh heartily without holding back,
and sing all throughout the house. It was during this time that I gained a
sense of family. We spent hours, daily, with one another. We sat down, at the
table, and had dinner together. I felt loved and wanted, which is something I
rarely experienced in the past. I was turning in my cocoon.
During the first year, I began
diligently going after my past ambitions. I wanted to take dance lessons and I
quickly achieved my goal. During my second year, at James River High School, I
was enrolled in the Jessica Morgan School of Dance. By year’s end, I was a
dancer and performed in my first recital.
A month later, my dream of being a boxer came into fruition. I joined
American Karate Center and began to train as a kick boxer. I was a part of
another family. I have been nicknamed “Pie” because my sensei could not
pronounce my name. I have found something that I love and the plan is for me to
spar in my first amateur bout in February of 2014.
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